Thursday, May 24, 2012

My Love of Irish Women

KMSSHIRTIMAGETWO24 tn I am attracted to Irish women. I surround myself with them. From the earliest friends I ever picked to my current harem, they are all Irish Americans. I am married to an Italian, Croatian, Slovakian, American man. He has no Irish heritage that we know of, but there is still hope. 

For the most part I am Italian American. Although, my mother's paternal grandmother was Irish. I am still doing research to find out more about when and where in Ireland that part of my family came from. My best friend for the past 23 years, Jenny, is of Irish decent. In 1st grade, the first person I ever picked, for myself, as a friend, was Shannon Brown - about as Irish as they come. When I was born I was instantly friends with Alexis. Her mother and my mother were friends, therefore we did not have a choice, but have remained friends to this day.... Oh she is only half Irish, but it is a pretty big half. I had another childhood friend, Nicole, who, although she was Korean, was raised by Irish parents. In middle school there was Amy and Megan. When I was in High School, I became very good friends with Colleen, again, really Irish, really fun. Then I befriended Molly, Sue, and Jenny and then Melanie, Maureen, Shannon and Donna. All more Irish than the next. I am totally serious here. I am not making up random names. The list goes on. Just in the past few years I have become close friends with Michele, Katie, and just met a new friend, who I clicked with, Noreen; you guessed it, all Irish. Oh, I just made a new facebook friend, who is a blogger, and is... wait for it... Irish American! Her name is Bethany and her blog is She is a riot and an amazing story teller. (check her out) 

Although my friends share the same heritage, they have very different personalities, backgrounds, and life experiences. In trying to analyze this phenomenon, I have figured out the one thing that attracts me to them is that they let me be me. They don't seem to mind me. Most of them find me pretty amusing. I feel good being around them and they are all very easy going and thoughtful. Now I am not sure if these traits are specific to their Irish heritage or if it is just some amazing coincidence that all the women I ever let get close to me, share that heritage. We do have lots in common, agree on major stuff, and there is no competition between us. In that we like each other for the different ways we handle things. I am, well, kinda loud. When I say kinda loud, I mean overpowering. I lack tact. I am only 5 ft tall so I have a bit of a Napoleon complex and if you set me off, most people in the tri-state area will know about it. See, I am not that easy to get along with, because I don't have much of a filter. Also, I can be a real pain in the ass when it comes to controlling things, like driving, and planning, and conversations. I tend to control it all. But, hey, I am working on it. And if I did not control some things, it would not get done properly. (See what I mean?) I would not describe my current Irish besties as "loud," although they get their point across loud and clear and most importantly... They actually like me! I think I may be their comic relief. The quirky/crazy sidekick, in their particular sitcom. 

I really love my Mick girlfriends. They are beautiful, fun and full of life. They make me laugh and allow me to cry. My best friend Jenny, knows me as well as my husband does, (maybe better) and she still loves me. She allows me to be my messed up self and accepts me. She is the kindest most considerate woman I know and she is a ferocious protector of those she loves. She is not loud or demanding, but if you ever need to get something done or need help in any way, she is your perfect advocate. Michele, who is a more recent friend, is another person who allows me to be myself. She also accepts me and although she is not a loud mouth Italian, we have so much in common, it is scary. We both have been through very similar circumstances in our lives and lived to tell about it! She is extremely kind and more fun than you can shake a stick at. 

So there it is, my true confession of my love for Irish women! No matter what our heritage, us women need other women in our lives. We need to have that support system of people who do not judge us, or try to fix us, or condescend to us. We need fellow women to bounce ideas off of and hash out dilemmas. We need our girlfriends to lift us up and support us and tell us like it is without crushing us. Now I do have a husband who does all these things too. But it is different, in that I am IN love with him. So his support is a little more intimate. But my girlfriends, well, they give me strength. So, if I ever get to Ireland, I may never return! But only if I can bring my girlfriends with me!

Wednesday, May 9, 2012

Screaming Banshee Moms, UNITE!

Compass Study
Compass Study (Photo credit: Calsidyrose)
When I first became a mother, I read every book and consumed as much information as I could from the myriad of resources out there. I love me some Google!  The problem with Google is, you can find out ANY information out there but you have to know what you are looking for. It is the virtual compass. A compass does not tell you where to go it just gives you the direction you are heading. If you don't know where you want to go, a compass can not get you there. There are as many different parenting theories out there as there are parents. Trying to find my style was not as easy as I thought it would be. It still isn't. I feel like I go back and forth from doing what I know is right and resorting back to the screaming banshee that I find comes natural.

The "Screaming Banshee Mom", is only heard when she is yelling at the highest of decibels. 

She must repeat herself at least 5 times. 

She needs massive amounts of coffee in order to keep her moving. 

She will partially complete about 12 tasks a day, never fully completing any. 

She yells about her child's messy room, when the rest of her house is just as messy. 

Horrible life threatening accidents are constantly running a loop in her brain and she stresses about everything safety related when it comes to her children. 

She has no patience and will continually tell those around her that she has no patience for this/that/you/them. 

She slams things, doors, windows, pots, pans, glasses, utensils. 

She is constantly in need of a deep breath. 

NO one listens to her and everyone talks to her. 

Everyone needs her to do something; usually menial tasks, like putting something away, taking something out, wiping something/someone, cleaning something/someone, etc. 

Animals gravitate to her and want her attention also. 

She is a powerful adversary when it comes to those she protects but powerless when it comes to her own needs. 

She wistfully thinks of times when she was young, single and firm. 
Firmness alludes her and she is pissed. This pissed off feeling never goes away, especially when she sees young, single and firm people in her midst. 

She will bite your head off if you criticize her parenting skills. If you are her spouse, and you criticize, she will follow the biting of the head with a foot up your ass. 

She needs a break. Even in the middle of the night when she gets up to pee, her brain starts and does not stop. Always looking for ways to manage her time more efficiently. 

She murmurs to herself and answers her own questions, since no one will talk to her. 

When she screws up, she is infuriated that someone else didn't screw up. 

She yells at her children to "Stop Yelling!" 

She cries for her children to stop crying. 

She whines that her children whine. 

NOW, stop judging.

I used to judge these moms. Before I had children I thought "I will NEVER do that." Then I had children and I did that! 

We are not perfect moms. There is no such thing. Because even if you do everything right and you are consistent, kind, loving and patient - when they reach their twenties and see a therapist - your kids will still find a way to blame you for something.  Why not make it worth that therapist's while?

Don't get me wrong. I do not advocate for being a "Screaming Banshee Mom." 

Do I find it a problem that "Screaming Banshee Mom" comes to me so naturally? YES. 

Do I fight it on a daily/hourly basis? HELL YES. 

Does the "Screaming Banshee Mom" rear her ugly head every now and again? Most definitely! 

But, I figure it's not so bad because if my kids are going to therapy in their twenties anyway, at least, I am giving them something to complain about. None of this mamby-pamby "I didn't feel valued as a child" bullshit.  Lets go for the full force "My mother was a crazy screaming lunatic who talked to herself and was always putting her foot up my dad's ass!" THAT's therapy worthy. Let's give them something to talk about. Who's with me?

Screaming Banshee Mom's UNITE!

Wednesday, May 2, 2012

Parodies in Real Life

The Roman Catholic Church is being almost a parody of itself lately.  I mean how much more Python-esque can it get?  We have the ongoing Philadelphia Priest abuse trial. Right now it is on it’s 6th week.  Six weeks of damning testimony against Monsignor Lynn and against the Archdiocese in general. These “holy” men who admittedly shuffled around known pedophiles to parish after parish.   They protected these monsters until the statute of limitations ran out and then let them go.  Now they are living where ever they want.  Like across the street from playgrounds.  We also have another priest on trial, Fr. Brennan, who has ADMITTED to allowing a 14 year old boy watch porn on his computer, drink alcohol and then sleep in his bed with him.  This is what Brennan called    "borderline inappropriate" Borderline?  Really?  So when this child who is now a 30 yr old man says that Fr. Brennan did even more than what he admitted to, who are you going to believe?  Well, I for one believe the victim.  
Then we have the Vatican’s own, Congregation for the Doctrine of the Faith (CDF) formerly know as Supreme Sacred Congregation of the Universal Inquisition (yes THAT Inquisition) writing a scathing report on one of their own.  NO one expects the INQUISITION!   In case you need to brush up on your history here the best take on the Inquisition. (The genius that is Mel Brooks)The CDF came down hard on those crazy do-gooder nuns.  They appointed a Bishop (who has a penis) to oversee these crazy “radical feminists.” Yes, these mostly older nuns who have long since stripped off their habits and taken their own names back. They are no longer forced into classrooms with 40 kids.  These new fangled crazy sisters work with the fringe of society, the poorest of the poor, the mentally ill, the old, the sick, the hungry, the teenage single mothers, the homeless and the dying . The Bishops deal with power these women deal with the powerless.  They do not tow the line of the Bishops and their political interests.  These nuns do not stand up and yell about contraception, abortion, school vouchers and fighting the Statute of Limitations for child victims of sexual abuse. They are too busy doing the work that.... well, Jesus did.  Helping those who need it the most.  They agreed with the Obama administration in passing the Health Care bill.  No matter where you stand on the issue, these nuns are caring for the very people whom the bill will help, the poorest of the poor.  So naturally the nuns would be for it.  But when this happened, the Bishops got very angry at these uppity nuns, who would not back them and their Republican agenda.  They were also angry that the nuns were making decisions on their own and not consulting them.  So what did they do...... issued the Inquisition! (No one expects the CDF!) The crazy radical nuns have 5 yrs to get in line, report to the good Bishop in charge of them, and do what they are told.  If not they can find another religion. Did the Vatican feel this strongly about it’s pedophile priests? Ummm NO,  they just tried to cover it up as much as possible.   I think it would have been much better if the Vatican issued the Inquisition on the nuns of over 35 years ago when they were beating the crap out of my generation and past generations.  They were the crazy ones!  Not all, but quite a few of them were vicious mean people.  
Then there is a Catholic school teacher who was having problems with infertility.  She was fired from her job, by the Monsignor, who called her a “grave, immoral sinner,” because she went through Invitro Fertilization Treatment.  This is a big no-no in the Catholic Church.  You can not create life in any other way but in the missionary position, in the dark, partially clothed and with a feeling of self loathing.  Oh and if you CAN get pregnant that way, don’t EVER prevent getting pregnant by using any form of contraception.   "Every Sperm is Sacred"  
So have I provided enough parody of the craziness?  Here is one more and it makes the most sense.  Dogma .  
Small Disclaimer:   I grew up with a sincere appreciation of Monty Python, Mel Brooks and the like.  It was completely my father’s fault.  He would let me stay up late just to watch certain Python clips or Brook’s movies.  SO if you don’t like my sense of humor, just remember to  “Always look on the bright side of life!”