Sunday, April 14, 2013

10 Ways Tired Kids Are Like Drunks

The Hub and I spent most of the day going from store to store looking at flooring and patio doors for an upcoming home improvement.  We took the boys.  They did not have fun.  They were bored and Little One, who is 4, was tired, cranky and wanted to be home.  This lead to an epiphany.  Being with Little One was almost an identical experience to being with a very drunk best friend or relative.  Like an Uncle, who you love and have a blast with most of the time, but when he gets drunk he is a real pain in the ass.  See if you can follow my logic.  

1. Like drunks, a tired 4 year old tends to fall down - a lot.  They just don’t have the coordination they have when they are older or less tired.  

2. They are both loud and can not modulate the sound of their voice.  We are constantly having to tell them that they are being too loud and that usually just makes them get louder.  

3. This is usually followed by inappropriate comments and gestures.  Both are notorious for making a comment or touching a part of their body that offends people around them. This unprovoked anger is usually quite hostile and embarrassing and mostly happens when in a crowd of people.   

4. Like your drunk Uncle, you have to apologize to those around you for their behavior and make excuses, like “He is going through a rough time he just lost his wooby.”  “He is usually so much better, he must be getting sick.”

5. They both tend to cry for no apparent reason and when you ask them what is wrong they bring up something that happened so long ago you don’t even know what they are referring to.  

6. Drunk Uncle and Tired 4 Year old like to repeat themselves over and over and when you try to tell them that you have heard the story before they will either revert to #5 or #3.

7. They like to have long incoherent conversations where you can not interrupt or ask questions.  Nor do you want to.  However if you are not paying attention they will call you out and again revert to #5 or #3.

8. If you are out they like to order food that they will not eat.  If you are home they will make you make them food that they will not eat. 

9. There are desperate times when they will sometimes urinate on themselves. Either in an attempt to pull up their pants before they are done or when they do not get to the facilities quickly enough and start before the pants are off. 

10. Then the evening usually ends when Drunk Uncle or Tired 4 Yr Old, passes out.  This can happen on the way to the car, in the middle of a meal, conversation or temper tantrum.  But any way it happens you are carrying them the rest of the way.  

All of this may cause arguments and fights among those dealing with Drunk Uncle/4 Year Old.  One will want to be more strict, while another will want to placate.  One will ignore the behavior while another one will to try to hide the behavior.  The fight usually dissipates when Drunk Uncle/4Year old does or says something that is so funny everyone starts laughing uncontrollably.  

You love Uncle and 4 Year Old no matter what.  You know them at their best and it somehow makes up for these times they are at their worst.  It doesn’t happen often enough that you are too concerned, but when it does you try to remind yourself to not get into that situation again.   Although it always makes for a great story.

What are your favorite Drunk Uncle/ Tired Toddler moments?